The Power Of Twos
It has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of my life when I learned everything is temporary, moments, feelings, people, flowers. I learned love is about giving everything and letting it hurt. I learned vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it very difficult to remain soft.
I learned all things come in twos. Life and death, pain and joy, good and bad, salt and vinegar, me and you. It is the balance of the universe.
It has been the year of hurting so bad but living so good. Making friends out of strangers. Making strangers out of friends. Learning mint and choc chip ice cream will fix just about everything and for the pains it can't, there will always be self-belief and courage to go over it.
We must learn to focus on warm energy. Always soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world for if we can't learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to kinder to the most desperate parts of ourselves.
You need to see that life is not always perfect. We will not always get what we want. And though it hurts a lot, what should've happened, happened. Who should've left, left and whatever's thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you need to be.
I never once in my life believed that my dreams for my family and for myself was IMPOSSIBLE. I was ridiculed, belittled and rejected. I didn't grew up most millennials did, I worked my ass off in the farm with Grandad every weekend up to the age of 14, went to school with no food in my stomach most days (didn't finished high school) and experience the days when the very food I was going to put in mouth had to be given to my younger siblings.
At 15, I got involve in a shoplifting gang and earned myself a seat at the police station more than 6x a month. I had a gun in my head in an interrogation. The society has turned their back on me when I needed help. But that's okay because if they didn't I would never have learned my lesson.
The one thing that didn't had to be taught to me is the thing we call "sacrifice".
On my Grandpas dead bed he asked me to promise this:
"love and care for your siblings. Never ever let them go in a day without food and make sure they go to school and fulfill their dreams"
That promise was my motivation. At 19 years of age I bought a house in a subdivision for my 7 siblings. My brother graduated with a Bachelors Degree of nursing and now a certified Nurse. My other siblings are all in school and doing well.
I forgotten all about the anger and hate that I carried for a very long time because my adversities has taught me the most important thing in this life- and that it to love unconditionally.
Forgiveness of other people will only happen if you learn to forgive yourself, the things you had to do to survive and the things you are about to do.
Remember that the word IMPOSSIBLE is a small word thrown around by small minds. DO NOT EVER EVER LET ANYONE INTERFERE WITH YOUR DREAMS. IT'S YOUR JOB TO PROTECT IT.
For the things we hold dearly, disconnecting yourself from something is a very hard fact we all need to face. Especially if it has shaped you and contributed so much to the person you are today.
Patience taught me the lesson that not all the time you have to run faster than everybody else, your growth, your time, and your destination is not always similar to those who succeeded before you. You must not forget that you are YOU, you are not them. The lessons and the adversities you needed to face are different to what others experienced which means you are not going to succeed just like them. You will succeed exactly the way you suppose to be given what you've learned from your own.
You have to take your journey according to what feels right for you. I use to think "I want to achieve the success that person achieved in a few years time" bla bla bla..
And I realized my maturity and my success has nothing to do with any of them, it has everything to do with me alone.
I started with a mission to take care of my family and when they are well enough to take care of themselves, what now?
I realized this is now my defining moment. This is when I'll make the hard choices of letting go and letting in.
This is the time when disconnection has to occur both from the things that do not serve me, from the things that I worked hard for, learning when to give up something to give life to the new and even bigger things and most importantly where I should be.
In the last 8 weeks, every weekend I lock myself in my room. I only want to hear the silence, read, sleep and hear the birds out the window. The more I do this the more I realize I needed to be somewhere else, the more I realize why I am one of the fortunate ones to understand the meaning of my own life. A lot of things has been blurry in the last couple of weeks, it's highly frustrating but it is also one of the most creative times, for that is when I am forced to question everything, to look at everything and to consider fuckin' everything and choose one pursuit.
My encouragement to you is if you feeling kinda shit, take the moment, embrace it and go deep. All this looking back in your past mistakes is fucking up with your neck, so start thinking of what is the next step you MUST take that will entirely change the result of your tomorrow.
For as long as you are breathing there is always a way!